XL, XL Read all about it!

Tank tops,pajamas, capris not plus size ! Oops oh my!

So the other day started out like any other Saturday. Lazing about for most the morning, making breakfast, a little exercise then my ritual weekend trip to Ross and T. J. Maxx because I love DEALS!!
On my quest for cute and shall I say reasonably priced home goods I detoured to the intimates section where I perused the holiday Pjs. Sad and a little sulky, because clearly I wasn't in the Plus Size section and I was looking at pajamas. I came across a super cute set. Black and white polka dotted cami/capri set with sheer straps and little chiffon flowers on the breast. Umm...I'm pretty sure those PJs were made with me in mind.
 I looked at the size (XL) I shook my head in defeat and reluctantly put the Pjs back on the rack.  There's no way  would fit them. The capris would be like biker shorts and the cami would be some "smedium", unflattering belly shirt! Why do I even bother I thought. * Yes I know a little pity party! Sometimes when you're in the thick of it. It's hard to see how far you've come. Im down from 341 to 270!!!  However, the scale hadn't moved for almost 2 weeks. I was a bit discouraged. Alas I looked at the price tag. Designer PJs for $16.99!!! " Well I could just buy them and put them in my "2 months from now pile." So decidedly I put those cutesy Pjs in my cart and made my way to the home goods section. As I was shying away from the clothing department a cape coat caught my eye. After my mini pity party and my baby pep talk I decided to try on the coat to see how much weight I would have to lose in order to fit it 20lbs? 30lbs? To my surprise I slid the XL coat on easily and buttoned it without strain. In disbelief I re-checked the size and thought this must be an irregular cut. So onward I went in search of another XL garment to see if maybe I was losing it or I really fit an XL.  I picked out a cute purple Calvin Klein dress XL and took it into the fitting room. It wasn't the most flattering cut of dress but it fit! I couldn't believe it. I've heard the saying "it takes a while for your weight perception of yourself to catch up with the reality of your weightloss" I used to laugh and think "there's no way you can't see yourself in the mirror. But its TRUE! Every morning I wake up get dressed and think "Eh not much change".
Later on that night I felt bold, so I took the tags off my XL pjs  which looked more like a Large and stepped into the capris, eyes closed and breath held. They slid on with ease. I opened my eyes in disbelief. Surely the cami wouldn't fit. Over my head it went and it was a bit loose around my mid section!!!  If ever I learned to do a cartwheel that would have been the time to show off but instead I did " the guns"~

 I thought I was delusional but  minutes later  there was a knock at my door. My little sister came over, who hadn't seen me in a few days and said "you're getting skinny as shit sister!" " WTF is happening? " Sister! Look at you !!!" "You're skinnier than when I saw you last time" She said in disbelief as she ran her hands up and down my abdomen and my sides where my love handles aren't sooo prevalent anymore. " 15 more lbs and you wont even have love handles! Shit you barely have them now" I thought about her statement and took a long look in the mirror. My arms lay flat at my sides.  Barely a bulge.  Maybe she's right. Tank tops and clothes I bought in Thailand a year ago are baggy. One of my tunics has become a full on dress. I take pictures few days to document the weight loss because clearly what I see in the mirror cant be trusted. I have mixed feelings about it all. I'm happy to be losing weight, but it's hard for me transitioning from being Plus size which I've been most of my adult life to a regular size.  No longer am I trying to hide behind my clothes. It's strange territory. I'm not complaining by any means. It's just a lot of change and it's a little scary.I'm on the edge of something exciting. I'm out of my comfort zone. Almost 3 months post op and my life has changed so much.  Im healthier, and a great deal more confident. 100 more pounds to go people! This journey is taking me on unexpected emotional twists and turns. Cornelius and my ever shrinking Muffin Top are along for the ride.  An XL! Ahhh I want to scream it from my balcony. Instead I tell all of you, meanwhile, me and my polka dotted Pjs do a happy dance~
                                                                Until next time band fans...

I'm in this kind of mood: Corrine Bailey Rae  Put Your Records On

No Skinny Minnie

Each day that passes I become more comfortable with me. I find myself talking more candidly about my weight. Which I NEVER would have done before.I'm not as hesitant to take full body pictures anymore. I'm by far no Skinny Minnie, but I'm feeling good. Yes, Cornelius is a tool that has helped but it was me too. I make the conscious decisions about what to eat. I am the one putting in the work. I repeat to myself daily. "My body is a temple, treat it with respect it deserves. Rome was built in a day and neither will the perfect body be." I try not to get discouraged if the scale doesn't move. That's why now I only weigh in on Thursdays. It feels good not to have food rule my life.

I was watching a YouTube video about a woman trying to get to her goal weight. She said " I can eat anything,any time I want,  or I can be thin" I find this statement at times conflicting. I'm from the camp of finding healthier options. In my experience I  think it's better to not deny yourself, but to find an alternative. Now thats not n oink pass to eat a whole box of 100 calorie snacks but you know what I mean.

 It's like telling an artistic kid not to draw on white walls, he's going to do when you're not looking anyways. It's better to buy chalk board paint, designate  place on his wall and let him have at it.

It's all about compromise!

For instance this morning I wanted something sweet but I knew I needed something nutritious and filling to hold me until lunch. I cracked and egg ditched the yolk, added a little cinnamon and skim milk, and dropped in a slice of bread, and Voila! Low-fat French Toast!

I've had my great days and not not so great ones but over all I'm adjusting to this new lifestyle. I've had days when the scale didn't move and I got a little down. But thats to be expected. The key is to look at the weight you have lost, and and how far you've come. I'm a work in progress. Constantly under construction. 

In the spirit of change I leave you with Tracey Chapman's Change

Until next time...

Over the Shame Game

What the's deal with the hush, hush, on WLS ( Weight Loss Surgery)! It's not like you're on METH or dressing up like a furry stuffed animal and engaging in sexual actiivites. (Which is fine by me whatever floats your boat)
I mean being FAT in today's society is already a stigma. Now we have shows like The Biggest Loser that captivate America.So what's wrong with giving your metabolism a kickstart?
At first I felt a little uneasy sharing with friends and fam what I was about to undergo. Worried about how they'd react, and what they'd say. But honestly after the knot in my throat and nail biting ceased. I shared my impeding journey with friends and loved ones and they were more than supportive.
So if you're thinking about this surgery and going thorough it ALONE. My advice is DONT. Having filled seats in your cheering section could mean all the difference in your weight loss journey.

It's easy for a person who has never been OVERWEIGHT to pass JUDGEMENT. They've never had to battle, buying  fajas (girdle), getting a seat belt extender on the plane, cutting tags out of your clothes so no one knows what size you wear, Had to pay "Fat Tax" for clothing because " it takes more material" for Plus sized clothing, or had people stare at you when you're eating with that " Are you sure YOU should be eating that?" look on their faces. They don't know how it feels and yet want to give a million and five ways to lose weight.
On that note I'd like to take a moment to share a letter :

Dear Naturally Skinny People of the World,

I, Muffin Top Moxy being a woman of extra proportionate size says " I hope you F*&%ING choke on my muffin top!" I don't need or want your weight loss tips. If you've never stepped foot inside a gym, had terrible eating habits and know nothing of what it's like to be FAT. Keep your opinions to yourself. You slender stature doesn't give you the right to judge my size or look at me with that " Oh you could be skinny if you wanted to be"look.
Just because you watched a few episodes of the Biggest Loser and Losing it with Jillian does not make you a personal trainer nor does it qualify you to give me sound weight loss advice. So go some where and have a Coke Zero.

Love,
Moxy

Some believe having WLS is taking the 'easy way out' or that it's the 'magic answer' ...  they couldn't be any more WRONG! Without dedication, proper planning and having the right tools & knowledge, the process of losing weight for a WLS post-op'er can be quite difficult.
It takes just as much determination if not more to undergo weight loss surgery. It's just like in other weight loss protocol. If you don't stick to it, if you don't work with it. It wont work for you.
So enough with the Shame Game. 
Remember You are doing this for YOU!

Until next time...

Fat Girl Walking

Here it is. Alert the media, someone sound the the icecream truck loud speakers, and roll out the bacon strip carpet! ( I make a lot of bacon references don't I?) It's the day before I get banded!
Fat girl walking, people.
So I woke up this morning with mixed feelings of excitement and nervousness.
I can't believe the BIG day is almost here. My cupboards are stocked with protein powder for shakes, and soup broth. My fridge is empty save, apple juice, a couple bottles of water, skim milk and ice chips! Woop, woop! Sounds delicious right?
All that's left to do is pack my overnight bag,upload a movie or two to my ipad,buy a blender and take those hideous yet necessary BEFORE pics. I havent decided what outfit will display my muffin top in all its moxy goodness.
Hmmm? Horizontal Stripes, spandex, a one piece swim suit, a thong?  Or should I just go Biggest Loser style and take one in gym shorts and a sports bra?  *Shuddering at the thought*.  So many choices.

I heard someone say the Lap Band is a rollercoaster of emotions. I'd have to agree. However let me preface that by saying I'm a WHOLE moonpie. Seemingly hard on the outside but nothing but goo on the inside.  So I tend to tear up  fairly easily.
 I  think just like grief there are  many stages to the Pre-Op LapBand process. No, Im not talking about bloodwork and BMIs, pre-op diets, or the insurance three ring circus. I'm talking about the emotional obstacle course you stumble through. It starts with Excited Uncertainty Monkey Bars: I started by feverishly swinging... researching, joining forums,watching YouTube videos being excited then terrified, next I made my  way to the See-Saw of Doubt: Is this for me? Will the band work for me? Am I strong enough to follow through this process? Can I really do this? Trudging forward I 
Stubbed  my toe on the Swing of Shame:  * Why didnt dieting work for me? Do I accept the stigma assigned to WLS? Do I tell people? Do I not? Will they judge or support me?  Now you  may dart in between  the See-Saw of Doubt and the Swing of Shame, it's only normal, but once you realize that you are doing this for YOU and no one else. It doesn't matter. You are taking your life into your hands and deciding to make a change for the better, for YOU! (So if you're out there stranded on the See-Saw of Doubt, or the Swing of Shame. I'm here to tell you you, I've been there and you have made the decision to change your life. See it through!) and Finally I made my way to the Slide of Acceptance: There's an overwhelming feeling of positivity at this point. As I reached the end of the slide,my feet touched the ground, I stood up proudly, muffin top and all, feet planted firmly on the Platform of Yes and said          "Yup, this is me. I'm doing this!"

The skinny girl inside me did a cart wheel and even my Muffin Top jumped for joy.
A song for your ride down the Slide of Acceptance:

Until next time...